Wish I had a pick of that old dive. Sadly, they tore the place down and build a good-sized hotel on the site:

http://www.ingrahouse.com/aboutus.html

This picture isn’t actually of the event, but sums up what I remember of it. Taken from: http://www.seal-houston.com/toast3.gif

On the bus home from Chugiak High a few days before school let out in 10th grade, I was an introverted 14 year-old, always horny and always lacking an appropriate venue for expression. She was some pretty face  rando who didn’t usually ride #74 – a transplant heading to down town Eagle River in the modest heat of late May. In the quick twenty-minute trip, I fantasized about getting her back to mine.

We approached my stop and I couldn’t build up the courage to say a single word. Realizing I was out of time, I panicked. I sat there a sec., ready to get up as she crossed her pink legs, half-covered by a silk summer skirt. I noticed the static of the seat drawing her hair out in individual strands. In a magic moment of thoughtlessness, I looked down at the certificate I had just received. I brought the paper up to my head, rubbed it against my hair a few times hoping to charge it with my own electricity. And as I got up to get off, I neatly let it slip from my hands into her lap.

She looked up at me sharply. I opened my mouth with a slight expression of dumbfounded satisfaction.

“Umm, can I get that back from you? I, I mean, it must have been attracted to your legs.”

That was all I had. Her reaction was utter disappointment. She looked over to her friend and asked “What was that all about?”

I plucked it from her fingers as I retreated from the bus and from my sophomore year,  while every ounce of blood in my body made its way to my face.

Geeky Pickup Line

Number one: Get more sleep. I dread doing anything when I am tired. Even when I try, it is usually half-assed and of poor quality. When I go to bed early enough to get up naturally, I perform my usual tasks with greater efficiency. I have more time to myself. I feel better. I don’t think unnecessary thoughts and I enjoy everything I do, work or play. Enough said. I am going to bed…

Good night!

PS. Thank you everyone for coming to my birthday last weekend. Though I was super tired and moaney, you still put on your happy faces and saw me through the blunder. I tried to take a nap before, I swear! I just got sidetracked.

“The world is your oyster when you live on Jupiter.”

Having a reason to live life as best you can, learning to accept yourself for who you are and forgive yourself despite the need to be angry at something is a worthy goal, despite what realists tell you. There is nothing wrong with going to a professional if you have nobody objective to help you through the tough times. Search yourself. Let go of emotional needs, stop looking to childhood for answers. The truth is that one thing leads to another. Sometimes it’s impractical to try figuring out what causes what. Don’t even try to label it – PTSD, ADD, Depression – all the same crap shoved down your throat, chased by a few pills and a shot of gin. Don’t focus on what you might be up against, especially the symptoms. They’ll just distract you. Focus on the subtle things. Focus on which thoughts, people, amount of rest, activities and foods make you feel your absolute best. Do crazy experiments to see if anything changes. Keep a journal. Look in the mirror and talk to yourself. Face your fears. People will laugh. Laugh at yourself. Be the cliché, but know it.

Fear, of people, of attention, of self, of responsibility, of no control over life…these are symptoms, not the problem. Make an intense game of redirecting the control of fear, and it will become your leashed animal. Once you master them, you may focus on improving self-confidence and esteem. Don’t over-do it though. Stop when you reach assertive and confident. Retain a healthy level of humility, cautiousness, cynicism and curiosity. Don’t look to please other people, or spend much time trying to get them to like you. This is a weakness they are obliged to exploit, a need to feel accepted. Don’t measure your worth by others’ standards. To them, you are nothing, nobody. Be the master of defining yourself.

Take the next crucial step – get rid of negative people in your life, including your old, negative self. Kill them in your dreams with your bare hands, or even better, the blunt side of a hammer. I did this. I had no choice when I was ready. I became the panther and jumped from my tree and ripped my hunter apart with my subconscious, and changed my life forever.

At this point, anything they prescribe works. Focus comes easy. This includes improving physical health, mental health and improving the deepest parts of psychological and emotional core. Beware, there is no overnight cure, but there are times of realization, elation, as you progress. There are also times you will have taken a step backward or lost motivation, but the difference now is that you will realize thoughts “why bother?” and “I can’t” are as damaging as heroine. If you still can’t, the hunt is over. There is no panther. You have no tree.

Bear Glacier at Bulldog Cove is great. I got up in the middle of the night to use the head, and from what I saw swirling in the bowl, thought “either my pizzle went radioactive or fireflies have made their home in the toilet.” Next morning Jessie filled me in – small, bio-luminescent lifeforms live in the sea. They get sucked into the flush pump and float around until they get flushed back out. Next time, I might bring a camera tripod to get a few pictures of it.

Beach combing uncovered plenty of odd-size floats and even a football. On the other side of the straits, we hit Paradise Cove in Three-Hole Bay tucked way into Aialik Bay. If you’re looking for a hike, good luck finding a starting point. Most of the land juts straight out of the water, but we started low, and worked our way up one of the ridges.

Around Bulldog, there are a few hidden lakes and waterfalls worth exploring, and the surf would be great (with a drysuit) with larger tide. Overall, it’s a fantastic place to go camping for a weekend. Even if I can’t afford chartering a sailboat for the weekend, it’s well within a day’s hike.

I have been racking up hours on the water and have been sea sick two times now. What gives? I thought I was a stallion, but now I’m not so sure. I did reach my goal. I have my bareboat charter credentials and am going to charter a boat soon.

Any ideas about where or when, and with whom I should go???

Eloise says I’ve talked about sailing the world since she’s known me. I don’t recall ever telling her. It’s funny how she sees sides of me I hardly share with anyone, even family. Either she’s picks up on subtle desires or I don’t realize how much I talk about myself.

I’ve always felt drawn to water, and to craggy mountainous landscapes-away from people, the games, the superficial chit-chat. I have plenty of time on the water in powerboats, rafts, canoes, etc., but I’ve decided to take up sailing. No, I am not a snob, but I do like wine and brie.

The first step: Sign up for a class. For the past month or so, I’ve been studying, reading, taking some instruction from Sailing Inc. and finally feel comfortable with the theory of sailing. Hopefully it becomes second nature with more practice. I still have to think hard sometimes about why we do certain things.

Second step: Still working on this. I won’t have a boat any time soon but know a few people who do, who want me to come out cruising with them in Prince William Sound. Relationships are crucial. If I were more personable, it would be a snap. Anyway, the people I’ve met along the way are a lot like me -adventurous, and a little nutty.

Third step: See the world. It may be in the not-so-distant future. Sailing vacations are long and I have a full-time job. I think I will be content to fly to a destination, and rent a sailboat from there. Practicing on various boats will give me a better idea of which kind and size to buy.

Anyway. On the last day of the basic sailing course, we sailed to a destination – Thumb Cove in Resurrection Bay. This put the skills I’ve learned to the test. I found out, as always, I have a lot to learn. Luckily, I had my camera and a few moments to record. It was amazing. Just a short sail from Seward. I can only imagine what lies ahead.

She floated like a rabbit and pounced like a fox over the heavy spring snow. She even fetched some snowballs and offered some comedy to the hike. Uncanny how at home she seemed, considering her heritage is probably Mexican desert. None-the-less, she dug it. The day was perfect for a hike with man’s two best friends.

If you haven’t been there, Turnagain Pass is about an hour and a half out of Anchorage, gets about five times as much snow and adds a bit of stunning to the long drive down the Kenai Peninsula. It’s more of a pit-stop in the summer, but if you are looking for a way to escape the Anchorage slush-bowl, it doubles as a great way to squeeze in a few good days of winter.

It hit hard, but had little aftertaste. In fact, it hit so hard I had to recheck the numbers on the label. This one started off at 1.072 specific gravity, so it is probably right around 9.75%. It was slightly bitter, but otherwise pretty clean taste. Even the apple taste was close to zilch.

Ingredients:

Motts Apple Juice,  Pacific Northwest Blackberry Blossom Honey, Yeast Nutrient, Sulfates

Original Specific Gravity: 1.072

Started 10.03.10

Racked 10.18.10 (15 days)

Bottled 11.1.10 (29 days)

Opened 03.06.11 (Aged 4 months)

Rating: 7.7 of 10